


The Trials

by castivak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coughing, Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Episode: s08e22 Clip Show, Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, Fainting, Gen, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, Trials of Heaven (Supernatural), Trials of Hell (Supernatural), Vomiting, Worried Dean Winchester, Worried Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 01:33:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18273083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castivak/pseuds/castivak
Summary: what if heaven's trials were actually trials and they affected castiel just as bad as hell's trials affected sam?





	The Trials

**Author's Note:**

> this is a fucking mess but deal with it  
> •×•  
> timeline is different : castiel met with metatron before he met the winchesters at the bunker  
> •×•  
> there was a transgender mention and i changed it a little because the wording of the actual line made me uncomfortable

"wait, you're metatron? _the_ metatron?" castiel asked, running across the street with the (much shorter) angel by his side, ignoring the pain that spread through his side as the tablet wound was tugged at.  
  
the angel wasn't able to heal it completely, only able to heal most of the internal damage and clean himself from all the blood that was on him, not wanting to attract unwanted attention for a police officer or just random strangers.  
  
that would've gone _terribly_.  
  
"yes!" metatron spoke, stopping on the side walk and turning to castiel, "but, in public, it's _marv_." he continued and the angel nodded, mumbling "marv" under his breath so that he could get the name ingrained into his brain.  
  
"....and you're castiel, kevin tran told me about you."  
  
"he did?"  
  
"yeah, according to him, you and i have a lot in common. we're both free-thinkers and we're both on heaven's most wanted list." metatron explained, castiel's heart sinking at the mention of being on the most wanted list and he looked down, "i thought we could socialize, maybe grab a bite."  
  
"i-i'm sorry we can....what?"  
  
"look, i've been on.... _sabbatical_. i'm trying to play catch up, but i have to talk to somebody about what's going on back home."  
  
"and by home, you mean heaven?"  
  
"right, i've been looking around, crawling through a few divine nooks and crannies, and from what i can see....without the archangels it's a mess up there. open warfare."  
  
"i thought naomi was running things now?"  
  
"is that what she told you?" metatron asked, turning and walking down the sidewalk, castiel following him and listening closely, "i mean, naomi's a player, don't get me wrong, just _one of many_." the angel went on as they walked, "there are _factions_ upon _factions_! all fighting, betraying each other! its just a matter of time before they start ripping each other apart, its all broken."  
  
"i know, i'm the one who broke it. there was a time where i thought that i could lead our people, but i was mistaken....i spilled so much blood."  
  
a cringe-induced shiver ran down castiel's spine as he thought of the terrible things he did to his home, memories of wings prints on bright green grass and burnt out eyes fillimg his brain, as well as the phantom feeling of the souls swirling around inside of him taking place.  
  
"and i've tried to atone for my sins and i did penance and i _betrayed_ my friends to protect our secrets, but i've just failed, and now--"  
  
"look, i know." metatron interrupted, stopling castiel and the two angels standing still in the sidewalk, "but, now, the angels-- _heaven_....need someone to come to the rescuse. they need us." he went on and castiel furrowed his eyebrows, "us?"  
  
"yeah! just-just _picture_ it! we ride to the rescue, save the day! make a _great_ story."  
  
castiel continued to give metatron a confused glare, which obviously made the other angel frustrated and he sighed, "look, the angels are like a big dysfunctional family, we need to lock them all in a room until we work these problems out. _all_ the factions, you, me--"  
  
"what? like a big family meeting?"  
  
"exactly! which is why we have to shut down heaven."  
  
" _what_?"  
  
"do you like crepes?" metatron asked and castiel gave him yet another confused glance, wondering how a french oriented food had anything to do with saving heaven, "eugenie's in ojai makes the greatest caramel apple crepes." the angel went on, and with a rustle of his wings, he was gone.  
  
"metatron--marv!"  
  
castiel huffed in frustration, looking around in annoyance before flying off to ojai, his wound getting angered from the journey, but he did his best to keep ignoring it as he found himself in a small cafe, sitting across from metatron at a table as the angel read a paper, a glass of ice tea on the tabler in front of him.  
  
"why did you leave?"  
  
"i can't have this conversation on an empty stomach."  
  
castiel fought the urge to roll his eyes at metatron's statement, annoyed that he had to fly here for no reason because angels don't have empty stomachs ever since their grace sustains them, no matter how low in rank they are.  
  
a young girl with red-ish brown hair walked up to the table, "here you go." she smiled as she set a plate of crepes in front of metatron, the angel thanking her and she turned to castiel, "can i get you anything?"  
  
"coffee, please."  
  
"sure, cool coat."  
  
"no, its actually quiet warm." he mumbled and she smiled at him, "cute _and_ funny, okay." she smirked before walking off, metatron shaking his head slightly before cutting into his food, "i should've picked a better looking vessel."  
  
"what did you mean, we can shut down heaven?"  
  
"oh, ya know, the _trials_. god's little 'pull in case of emergency'." metatron shrugged, castiel leaning closer to get a better listen and absorb every word that metatron said, "leviathans get out of control, you put them in purgatory. demons get a little too.... _demonic_ , toss them into hell. angels get uppity, slam the pearly gates."  
  
"and you say that you know the trials to close heaven?"  
  
"i wrote 'em down, s'not something you forgot......look, i think a little alone time would be good for the angels. at the veey least, it would stop the fighting up there from spilling out down here, which will happen. it always does."  
  
"you're gonna complete these tests?"  
  
"no, i can't." metatron sighed, looking up from his plate and looking at the confused angel before him, "i am a pencil pusher, always have been....i'm not strong enough." he went on, a sad look on his face and castiel frowned, "but _you_ \--you're a warrior. i've got the plan, you've got the muscle, we can do this. heaven needs your help, castiel."  
  
"i am the one that caused these problems, i should be the one to fix them."  
  
"you understand, this is not going to be easy."  
  
"i understand."  
  
"no, you don't...see our waitress?" metatron mumbled, nodding at the young girl that was behind castiel and the angel turned around, "she's the first trial, gotta cut her heart out." he went on and castiel's eyes widened, before squinting up again from confusion, "what? no, she's--she's just a _girl_."  
  
"no, she isn't, she's a _nephilim_ , an abomination."  
  
"the offspring of an angel and a human? i thought that wasn't allowed?"  
  
castiel had known about nephilim practically since the day he was born, having been told the great dangers of them and the potential destruction they had the ability to cause, and that if he were to ever create one, that an angel would be sent to kill him and the offspring.  
  
this, of course, terrified him and he made the personal oath to _never_ lay with a human in fear of creating a nephilim.  
  
"its not! there's only one on earth and you are looking at it."  
  
"but, she didn't choose to be a nephilim, so she's innocent."  
  
"yes she is." metatron sighed and castiel looked down, the other angel shrugging before he continued, "i told you, this wasn't going to be easy. but if you wanma do this, castiel, if you _really_ wanna do this, you have to ask yourself, what's more important....her life or your family?"  
  
castiel turned around, looking at the happy young girl and he frowned, turning back to metatron and looking down at the table, ".......i can do it."  
  
"okay, i'll give you more details tonight, but for now." metatron began and he leaned forward, pressing his fingers to castiel's wrist and the angel furrowed his eyebrows until the warm feeling of metatron's grace flowed through him, able to feel it go to his wound and heal a good amount of it.  
  
castiel blinked in shock, moving his hand down to where his wound was and feeling a scabbed over scar where a large gash used to be.

  
**•◇•**

  
metatron and castiel walked close behind the female nephilim, the taller angel clutching his blade as he mentally prepared himself for doing what he was about to do, but no matter how much he hated this, he had to.  
  
he needed to save heaven, his home.  
  
"i know what you are." the girl spoke as she stopped dead in her tracks, turning around and glaring at the two angels, "i can see your halos."  
  
"and we know what you are, _abomination_."  
  
"please, i'm not!......i try to be nice, i just want to live my life."  
  
"....we know." castiel mumbled, looking down at the ground and flexing his fingers around the blade in his hands, heart sinking at the thought of having to kill this innocent girl, but he had to save his home. "i am sorry." he frowned as he stepped forward, the girl's soft looking morphing into a glare, "you will be."  
  
the nephilim reeled back and punched him in the jaw, making castiel stumble back and she grabbed him by the collar, throwing him into a nearby shed and the angel grunted on impact, blade falling from his hand and rolling a couple feet away, the girl walking over and her eyes flaring up with grace as she grabbed him again, lifting him up and tossing him onto the other side of the road, castiel groaning as he crashed against a dumpster and fell to the floor.  
  
"having fun?" she smirked as she looked down at the bleeding angel, castiel looking up at her with a mixture of fear and determination, eyes widening as he watched metatron grab her and punch her across the face, but the other angel's fighting was, as he said, not good and she barely felt anything, a small chuckle escaping her lips before she threw metatron against the shed, going over and beginning to choke him.  
  
"you want an abomination?!"  
  
castiel's eyes fell on his abandoned angel blade and he crawled towards it, taking a second to breathe through the pain of his wound re-opening and he scrambled to his feet, making his way over to the nephilim.  
  
"i'll show you an abomination!" she shouted, her eyes glaring up with grace as she got ready to kill metatron, but castiel was quicker and he shoved his angel blade through her throat, watching the girl die and letting her body fall to the floor, also falling to his knees and clutching his bleeding side as he looked down at the dead girl.  
  
metatron let out a heavy sigh, catching his breath and he sadly looked down at castiel, "remember what happens next, castiel?" he muttered and the angel looked up at him briefly before looking back down at the poor girl, "yes....i remember."  
  
castiel took a deep breath as he rolled her onto her back, shutting her eyes before taking his angel blade and piercing it into her chest, rolling up his sleeves as he began carving into her corpse, blood splattering onto his skin as he cut around her heart, lifting the organ from her chest and he swallowed against a mouthful of bile.  
  
_kah nuh ahm dahr_  
  
castiel cried out as a white hot pain filled him from head to toe, dropping the organ back into the bloody hole it came from as he clutched at his shirt, struggling to breathe through the almost unbearable burning that was coursing through his veins, eyes widening as he saw his arms glow and a pale white and orange beneath his skin, able to see the veins and nerves of his vessel.  
  
the angel let out a heavy breath as it stopped, leaving behind a strong ache in his body and he looked up at metatron, eyes wide from fear of what just happened, "well done, castiel." metatron congratulated and bent down, grabbing the young girl's bag and emptying it out, putting the heart inside it so he wouldn't have to carry it around. "i'll bring this to heaven."  
  
with a flutter of his wings, metatron was gone and castiel looked down at the nephdl's body, coughing roughly as he turned away from the mutilated corpse before him and spitting out stomach acid onto the ground, coughing again and bringing up a mouthful of nasty bile with traces of blood in it, panting for breath and wiping his mouth, standing up on shaky legs before taking off towards the bunker.

  
**•◇•**

  
castiel came to in an unknown room, rubbing his eyes and looking around before realizing that he was in one of the bunker's many bedrooms, memories of yesterday's events flooding his brain.  
  
the angel vaguely remembers flying to the bunker after metatron had left, banging on the door and being faced with dean before passing out from pain and exhaustion.  
  
dean must've patched up his tablet wound because he could feel a large bandage and stitching in his stomach, which he was incredibly thankful for because his grace was going crazy trying to heal the injuries from the trials, but castiel knew that it wouldn't be able to do anything.  
  
if he couldn't heal sam's trial injuries, he _highly_ doubts he can heal his.  
  
speaking of trial injuries, castiel's lungs burned terribly and he let out a rough cough, covering his mouth with his palm and coughing harshly into it, feeling liquid splash against his skin and he pulled away, seeing a small splatter of blood on his skin and he grabbed a tissue from the bedside, wiping it away and throwing the tissue into a trash can.  
  
castiel slowly got up and walked out of the bedroom, ignoring the aches in his bones and the screaming of his joints as he moved, stepping out into the war room and seeing the winchesters, hearing sam talk about his symptoms and his heart ached for the man.  
  
"morning." the angel smiled at the two, getting a side glare from dean and he sighed, walking down the steps, "i like this bunker, its orderly."  
  
"give us a few months, dean wants to get a ping pong table."  
  
"i've heard of that, its a game, right?"  
  
sam let out a small breathy chuckle, a smile tugging at his lips and castiel went to sit down, groaning as the stitches of his wound got tugged on with the movement, "are you okay?" sam asked and castiel nodded, wincing as he sat down.  
  
"my wound isn't healing as quickly as i hoped, but i am getting better." he reassured, not wanting to worry the younger winchester when he already had so much on his plate, "and you're getting worse." he muttered and sam nodded, "two trials down, one to go."  
  
"and the final test, do you know what it is?"  
  
"i have to cure a demon."  
  
"....of what?"  
  
"that's what we're trying to figure out."  
  
"soup's on!" dean called as he entered the room, carrying a tray of food and he placed it in front of sam, the angel and hunter both raising their eyebrows at the contents and dean took a sip of the beer, saying that it was still good, "a half drunk beer, jerky, and three peanut butter cups?"  
  
"yeah w-we're running a little low.......i'll make a run."  
  
"dean, i can go with you."  
  
castiel's only response was silence as he stood up, holding back a groan and he turned to dean, calling his name and still getting ignored and he swallowed, "i'm sorry." the angel mumbled and the hunter finally turned to him, raising his eyebrows and castiel could feel the angry energy coming off of him, "for what?"  
  
"for everything."  
  
"everything? like ignoring us?"  
  
"....yes."  
  
"or bolting off with the angel tablet and then _losing_ it, because you didn't trust me?" dean spat and castiel looked down, ashamed of himself for doing such stupis things, ".....yes."  
  
"no, that's not gonna cut it, not this time. so, you can take your little apology and you can cram it up your ass."  
  
"dean, i-i thought i was doing this right thing."  
  
"yeah, you always do."  
  
dean gave castiel one last glare before he turned his head as sam cleared his throat, getting his attention, "hey, do we have a room 7B?"  
  
"i think i saw it somewhere back there, why?"  
  
"it has shit we need." sam spoke before standing up, "we'll be back!" the younger hunter told castiel before they both disappeared down the hall, leaving the angel alone and he waited for them to be out of ear shot before he started coughing into his sleeve, feeling blood come up his throat and into his mouth, so he grabbed a napkin from the table, letting the blood fall out of his mouth and onto the napkin.  
  
castiel ended up coughing so hard that he gagged harshly, quickly leaning over a trash can and letting the mouthful of blood and bile spill out into the can, taking in a breath before doing it again and gripping onto a chair with a shaky hand to avoid falling, bringing up two more rounds of the vile stuff before it stopped and he panted for breath, waving his hand over the trash can and getting rid of the evidence, standing up straight and wiping his mouth just as the winchesters walked back in.

  
**•◇•**

  
sam turned the projector off as the film reel finished, everyone's eyes wide and in shock after what they just witnessed, "well that was weird, with three exclamation points." dean muttered and sam looked to his brother, "that wasn't a normal exorcism, they changed the words."  
  
"i-i believe 'lustra' is latin for wash...or-or cleanse."  
  
"yeah, 'cause that was the most freaky thing, the _vocabulary_. what about the bloody high five or the chest burster?" dean spat, the angel averting his eyes from the hunter because of his tone, "anything else on the film? like, director's commentary, sequel maybe?" he went on as he looked at sam, the younger hunter nodding as he stood up with his laptop, "yeah, listen to this."  
  
"the older priest, max thompson, bit the dust in '58, but the younger one is still alive and he lives in st.louis."  
  
"think this kinda weird is worth the drive?"  
  
"dean, everything in those folders--the possessions, the deals, all of it, we've seen that before, but that.....that's all new, yeah its worth the drive."  
  
"alright, let's roll!" dean announced as he got up, castiel doing the same and without turning, the hunter stopped him, "not you!"  
  
"sam is more damaged than i am."  
  
"yeah, well, ya know, even banged up, sammy comes through."  
  
"dean, i just wanna help--"  
  
"we don't need your help!" the man interrupted and castiel's heart fell, he knew that his mistakes were bad ones, but he was able to help, "just stay here and..... _get better_." dean continued, annoyance and anger practically dripping from his words as he walked away, sam giving castiel a sad look before gathering his stuff and leaving the room, leaving the angel behind.  
  
castiel sat back down, looking down as he listened to the winchester's talking down the hall, unable to make out their words, but he figured that he was the subject of their conversation.  
  
he had to admit that dean was right, while sam was worse off than he was by much greater amounts, the man was much more reliable than he had been for as long as he could remember.  
  
sam had been there for dean since castiel could remember and probably for much more than that, but he had just screwed up over and over and he understood why dean couldn't trust him.  
  
he hadn't given him a good reason to.  
  
the banging of the bunker's door and a sharp pain in his throat pulled castiel out of his thoughts, the angel attempting to clear his throat and get rid of the strong itch, but it wasn't working and he coughed, this only sending him into a fit and he began hacking, his lungs burning terribly as he doubled over, coughing into his hand.  
  
"cas?"  
  
castiel barely heard sam call his name, his eyes widening and he attempted to stop coughing, but gagging from the attempt and he gripped onto the table with his free hand to try and help calm himself, only able to hold his coughs in for a few seconds before he let out more rough hacks, hearing footsteps approaching the bunker's library.  
  
"what's--cas!" sam shouted as he saw his best friend shaking from how harshly he was coughing, face screwed up tightly in pain with a hand over his mouth, literally on the edge of his seat and barely staying on it, the hunter rushing over and kneeling down in front of castiel, grabbing his shoulders and helping him sit up, the angel gasping for air in between coughs. "hey, cas, you gotta relax, you're gonna choke, let your body relax."  
  
castiel did his best to do what sam told him, trying to loosen himself up as he knew how tensed up he was and it wasn't helping the fit, letting his shoulder fall and letting go of the table, keeping one hand over his mouth as he slowly came down from the fit, not wanting to move his hand because he knew that it wouldn't come away clean.  
  
"you....you okay now?"  
  
the seraph nodded a little, not wanting to look the hunter in the eyes as he kept his hand over his mouth, "cas...why won't you move your hand?" sam asked and castiel swallowed, "....because..." he rasped out and he got a stern yet concerned look from the man, "show me your hand."  
  
castiel slowly removed his hand and put it into his and sam's vision, their eyes landing on the large drops of blood that stained his palm, the hunter's eyes widening and he looked up, seeing the angel's lips were also stained a dark crimson.  
  
"cas, what-what the hell?"  
  
"i-i'll explain later, just don't tell dean, don't--"  
  
"sammy?!"  
  
both of them froze at dean's voice, castiel quickly gracing the blood away and trying to look as healthy as possible, but his entire body hurt and using his grace when it was still weak was just making him look less and less convincing, he could only hope that it was convincing enough.  
  
sam stood up, giving castiel a pat on the shoulder before leaving the room and the angel looked down, not able to make out everything that the hunter was saying to his brother, though he assumed that the two would leave him once again.  
  
he looked up as he heard footsteps coming back towards the library, sam walking in as he took off his jacket and the bunker door slamming shut, making the angel look at him in confusion as he watched the hunter sit down across from him, "sam, why aren't--"  
  
"you think i'm just gonna leave you here after seeing you cough up blood?"  
  
"...well..."  
  
sam folded his arms on top of the table, looking at castiel with eyes full of concern and the angel felt small under his gaze, like he should just curl up and avoid everyone. "on the subject, what's going on with you?" the hunter asked and the seraph looked away, avoiding his eyes the best he could, "cas, you said you'd explain."  
  
"you have enough things to deal with, sam."  
  
"i saw you choke on blood, cas, if you don't tell me then i will just think of every terrible possibility."  
  
castiel sighed, rubbing a hand over his feet and wincing at the ache in his head that rested right behind his eyes, "i spoke with an angel recently, metatron, and--"  
  
"wait, _metatron_? the scribe?"  
  
"yes, i ran into him before i came to the bunker and after we talked for awhile, i agreed to aid him with the trials that will close the gates of heaven."  
  
"trials? to close heaven?"  
  
"yes, we figured that it would be best to shut them as well as hell's gates."  
  
"i take it that you already did the first trial."  
  
"yes, i-i did." castiel confirmed, cringing at the memory of cutting that poor girl open, still able to feel her heart and blood in his hands, the pain that soon followed still haunting him, "what's next? you still have two left, right?"  
  
"i have to retrieve a cupid's bow."  
  
"that doesn't sound too bad."  
  
"yeah, it doesn't....i just hope that i don't have to kill to get it, i don't want any more innocent blood on my hands."  
  
"well, even if its easy, i'll be here to help and i'm sure dean would too." sam cooed with a smile and castiel gave him a tiny smile in return, knowing that he wasn't going to ask for any help from the winchesters unless he had no other choice.  
  
they didn't need another burden.

  
**•◇•**

castiel walked through the door, seeing dean sitting at the bar and he took a deep breath, wishing that he didn't have to bring the hunter into this, but he was the one who made the call for help after all, and he was more than thankful that dean agreed, despite sam's current state.  
  
the angel walked forward, pulling out a stool and wincing as he sat down, a slight rush of pain shooting through his bones as he moved, dean looking at him in slight worry but mainly confusion, "anything? you've been gone long enough."  
  
"no, there was someone, but...."  
  
"what?"  
  
"she-- _he_ wasn't female." castiel mumbled, looking around the bar in hopes of a woman being there so that they could get cupid's attention, metatron having informed him that the bartender here was next on the "love list", "anything here?"  
  
"free drinks, buddy over there thinks you saved his life."  
  
castiel looked down the bar, the bartender giving him a smile and he waved before the man turned around, continuing to work and the angel saw dean put a beer in front of him, the smell of it making his insides twist, "you really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?" he asked and the hunter gave him a strange look, "what show you been watching?"  
  
castiel shook his head slightly, putting his hand around the beer and the cold glass felt good against his skin, the angel twirling it with his fingers, "talk to me, are you sure about this?" dean spoke up and he looked at the hunter, said hunter taking a sip of his beer before he went on, "i mean, its one thing me and sammy slamming the gates to the pit, but you...you're boarding up heaven and you're locking the door behind you."  
  
"yeah....i know."  
  
"you did a lotta damage up there man, you think they're just gonna let that slide?"  
  
"you mean, do i think they'll kill me?" castiel responded, nodding his head slightly as he turned to dean, "yeah, they might." he continued, a voice in the back of his head telling him that the trials will get to him before anyone else does. "so this is it? e.t goes home."  
  
castiel furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding what an extraterrestrial has to do with this, but his attention shifted as he heard the door to the bar open, seeing a woman walk in with a bunch of crates of beer, talking to the bartender.  
  
"show time." dean smirked and castiel straightened in his seat, watching closely as the woman conversed with the bartender, the other man at the end of the bar ending up in the conversation as well, "holy fuck, this is like the first five minutes of every porno i've ever seen."  
  
castiel ignored dean's small remarks, focusing on the three at the end of the bar, his eyes widening as he realized that the woman wasn't who he thought she was going to be, her grace shining brightly inside of her and she touched the two men's shoulders, the angel's jaw nearly dropping as the cherub left, the two men going back to what they were doing.  
  
"damn, that's sweet!" they spoke in unison before they turned to each other, castiel able to feel dean's confusion and realization as the men spoke, "how about the next one's on me?"  
  
castiel got up from his seat quickly, rushing outside to catch up with his fellow angel, "gail!" he shouted out to the air, hoping that she would hear him and he turned as he heard footsteps, seeing dean run over to him and he turned around as he heard the flutter of wings behind him, "castiel." she spoke as they locked eyes, her eyes wide with concern, "your grace, its--"  
  
"i'm fine, its complicated, but i'm fine."  
  
the cherub sighed and castiel ignored dean's confused glare, "i've been afraid to go home for some time now." she spoke as she looked away from the two, "orders used to come once a day and....now its chaos, it all seems to be breaking down....and, you think you can fix that?"  
  
"with time, yes."  
  
gail walked closer to castiel, putting her hand out and a small bow appearing on the palm of her hand, "take it then." she spoke and castiel took in a deep breath, raising his blade and giving the angel a sad look, but she gave him a strong smile and he moved forward, stabbing his blade into her hand and beginning to cut through the bow, a soft pink light mixing with blood and pooling into her palm.  
  
with a wince, she turned her palm and castiel let the liquid and light falling into his hand, the blood spreading out and dripping onto the concrete below them, but the light remained still in his palm before flowing into his skin and the small bow appeared on his hand, gail giving him a smile before flying off.  
  
_kah nuh ahm dahr_  
  
the angel cried out in pain as an even worse pain than before rushed through him, knocking him onto his knees and dean moved forward, grabbing castiel's shoulders so he didn't fall and the hunter watched with wide eyes as the skin of castiel's hands and wrists glowed the same light that he had seen sam's do, castiel letting out pained sounds throughout the whole thing and the light slowly dissipated.  
  
"cas, what--"  
  
"i-it's fine, dean." he rasped out, trying to stand up and dean helped him, holding tightly onto his upper arms and blood began to trickle out of castiel's nose, the angel lifting his hand and wiping the blood away with his sleeve, looking at it before his eyes rolled back into his head and he went unconscious, dean quickly wrapping his arm's around his waist to keep him up, "dammit, cas."  
  
the hunter put castiel's limp arm around his shoulder and dragged the angel back to the impala, which wasn't too far away thank god, pulling open the door and sitting him inside, his head falling back against the seat and dean went to the front, grabbing some napkins from the glove compartment before going back to the unconscious angel, wiping away the blood that continued to leak from his nose and now the corner of his mouth.  
  
the hunter watched the angel closely, a multitude of emotions and questions whirling around in his mind; what was the hell was happening to cas? was this the trials? was he dying? has this happened before? why didn't he tell him or sam? did he tell sam?  
  
dean was _this_ close to praying for help when a small groan left the angel's lips, seeing castiel's eyes flutter open before screwing them closed in pain, the obviously ill angel pressing his fingers to his temple in pain, letting out a grunt as he tried to sit up, "woah, hey, take it easy." dean cooed as he kept a hand on his friend's shoulder to make sure he stayed seated.  
  
"what....ooh." castiel tried, trailing off and a small moan replacing his words, his hand moving to dean's coat sleeve and he gripped onto the fabric, clenching his teeth as his head pounded and spun, every part of his body aching and burning with each movement, the hunter watching with his heart in his throat from worry. "just breathe man, take it easy."  
  
"i-i can't stay here dean, i-i have to--i needa get to metatron and--i--"  
  
castiel stopped as he heard the rustle of wings, dean and him looking over and they both of them seeing naomi, the hunter rising to his feet and moving out of the way so that castiel could get a clear view, the angel slowly getting out of the impala and leaning against the car, glaring at her.  
  
"i'm not here to fight you castiel, not anymore."  
  
"where is metatron?"  
  
"he told you he was going to fix heaven, didn't he?" naomi asked, ignoring the seraph's question and he kept glaring, not wanting her to think that he was too weak to stand up for himself, "murdering a nephilim? cutting off cupid's bow? it's a lie, all of it. i've been in his head--"  
  
"you've been in _all_ our heads, that's the problem."  
  
"no, castiel, you're wrong."  
  
"this is what you do, you twist things. i'm trying to fix heaven, metatron is trying to fix heaven!"  
  
"metatron isn't trying to fix anything! he's trying to break it!" naomi snapped, watching the angel beforee her sway on his feet as he struggled to stand on his own, able to see his grace going wild trying to help him, "an act of revenge for driving him away."  
  
"break it, how?"  
  
" _dean_."   
  
"expel all angels from heaven, just how god cast out lucifer."  
  
"cast you out to where? hell?"  
  
"here, thousands of us walking the earth--"  
  
"lies!" castiel snapped, drawing his blade and attempting to move forward, dean grabbing his arm and stopping him, not only from killing naomi but also because he didn't think the angel would be able to fight in his current state, castiel shaking off the man's arm weakly and lowering his blade. "our mission was to protect what god created, i don't know when we forgot that.  
  
"i want nothing more than to see you shut the gates of hell, but i told you that you could trust me.....if sam completes those trials, he is going to die."  
  
"what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"i saw it in metatron's head, it was always god's intention--the ultimate sacrifice....as for you castiel, i _beg_ of you, stop this path." naomi spoke, tears falling down her cheeks and castiel stared in shock as the angel cried before him, "metatron has been neutralized, if you back in, truly, i will listen." she continued before she flew away, castiel letting himself fall against the car and dean quickly grabbed his arm, making sure he didn't go crashing to the floor.  
  
"i'll..i'll take you to sam, then m'gonna go to heaven."  
  
"cas, you can barely stand, how are you gonna do that?"  
  
"like this." castiel mumbled before putting his fingers to dean's forehead.

  
**•◇•**

  
castiel made his way down the halls of heaven, making it to naomi's doors and he swung them open, freezing as he saw her body laying at her desk and he slowly walked forward, her head resting in a pool of blood and the drill that he knew all too well sticking out of her, eyes wide as he stared at the now dead angel before him.  
  
as much as he hated her, he didn't want this to be her fate.  
  
"she told you i lied, didn't she?"  
  
castiel slowly turned, freezing as he saw metatron and he felt the cold metal of an angel blade against his throat, "you should've listened to the bitch." metatron smirked smirked shoving the angel down onto the chair behind him, castiel not strong enough to stop him before two metal straps slapped themselves over his wrists, locking him in place and he did his best not to show how panicked he was inside.  
  
"you promised!"  
  
"shhhh, _castiel_....." metatron trailed off, walking around the chair and standing before the angel, "i want you to stop thinking about master plans." he continued, putting his hand on castiel's forehead and forcing his head back against the seat, "heaven and angels and all this, that doesn't concern you anymore."  
  
metatron raised his blade once more and castiel struggled to get away as the blade was pressed into his throat, the angel letting out a choked groan as his neck was sliced open, "these trials, they're a little different from hell, but they still hurt just as much, don't they?" metatron smirked, pulling put a glass vial and putting it to the opening in castiel's throat, taking his grace, "and what i'm taking from you now--your essence, your grace--is the last piece."  
  
castiel watched metatron close the vial in his hands, locking his grace into a tiny glass and the other angel healed the cut on castiel's throat, the now ex-angel looking at him with a hurt filled glare, "and you know what the best part is? you don't even have to say the last words, that's all up to me!"  
  
"and now something wonderful is going to happen! for me and for you!" metatron smiled, leaning closer to castiel and the newly human backed away, not wanting this asshole to be anywhere near him right now, "i want you to live this new life to the fullest--well, you'll have a rough start because of the leftover trial damage but, find a wife! make babies! and when you die, and your soul comes to heaven, find me....tell me your story."  
  
metatron raised his hand, gently putting it castiel's forehead and a bright light over took them both, "now go."

  
**•◇•**

  
castiel woke up with a groan, looking around in the dark and barely able to make out that he was in a forest, the ex-angel slowly making himself sit up and his entire body burned with pain, almost knocking castiel right back down but he forced himself up, hearing screams of agony and loud crashes.  
  
the man stood up on shaky legs, slowly walking through the forest and the sounds from before only grew louder as he made his way out, making himself pick up speed and weakly jog out to the open, falling back down to the ground as he reached the edge of the woods, lookimg up and seeing thousands upon thousands of what looked to be stars fall from the sky, but he knew better.  
  
castiel forced himself back up, slowly staggering out further into the open and staring up at the sky, tears pouring down as cheeks as he watched his brothers and sisters fall, wings burning into nothing as they crashed landed onto the earth, the ex-angel letting out a sob as he watched, the crushing guilt of this knocking all of the strength out of him and he fell to his knees, letting out a scream.  
  
castiel had failed, once again.

**Author's Note:**

> if there's spelling and grammar errors, im sorry but im lazy and tired


End file.
